Graceful Angels of Grief

Twenty-Eight Snow Angels Interview

2011-12-15T14:31:00.000-08:00

Check out the interview about my memoir, Twenty-Eight Snow Angels: A Widow's Story of Love, Loss and Renewal. Heidi Holtan of KAXE 91.7 fm radio in Northern Minnesota interviewed me for their Realgoodwords segment. She said what she liked about my book was that it portrayed "the real concepts of grief and that there were not many books like it." The interview addresses the fog of grief in the aftermath of the sudden death, how I coped with normal routines and what helped me through the difficult time. Go to to listen to the interview Twenty-Eight Snow Angels is available on Amazon in Kindle and paperback, Barnes and Noble, Outskirts Press at

Angels in Flight

2011-11-25T18:58:00.001-08:00

Sitting alone in a motel room in northern Minnesota tonight brings back memories of traveling alone after the death of my husband. Three weeks after his funeral, I was hired for a new position as a literary coach in a school in Saint Paul. I had taught elementary students for thirty years and thought a job change would help pull me through the grief. When I applied for the job, I didn't realize I would be flying all over the United States to training sessions and conferences. On the first trip to Washington, D.C. in August of 2000, I remember pulling my suitcase into the hotel room, the door clicking closed behind me and staring into the corners of the empty room wondering why my husband wasn't there with me. Thankfully, I was blessed with the guidance of two very supportive team members. Like angels, they nurtured me and helped me become a seasoned traveler. Now when I travel to promote my books, when the hotel door clicks behind me I smile as I feel their presence and thank God for putting them in my life.

the Independent Life

2011-11-06T13:23:00.000-08:00

Learning to do things on your own is a survival skill all women should acquire. When you're suddenly left alone after the death of a spouse or a divorce you'll need a sense of confidence that you can face challenges alone. Take time now to eat at a table for one in a restaurant, fly off to a far away city or venture out on a solo driving trip. Believe me you'll be glad you did. I recently met a woman at a conference who said, "I never travel without my husband. I don't think I could do it alone." Expand your solo adventures and gain confidence in your independence now, and you'll be better prepared to face the challenges of life alone. More thoughts on independence in Twenty-Eight Snow Angels: A Widow's Story of Love, Loss and Renewal

What the Death of My Husband Taught Me

2011-10-23T07:36:00.000-07:00

I never thought when I said "I do" in 1972, that I would be a widow at 53. Months after my husband's sudden death, I discovered grief takes a huge amount of energy, time and hard work. I realized along the way, that you'll have ups and downs, but keep going. The loss shifts your life as you knew it. Give yourself time to conceive a new life as a woman and give it birth. Be kind to yourself. Cry when you feel the tears and sleep when you need rest. If you have a career, give it your best shot every day you can. If you need to take a day off, so be it. Maintain your connections with family, friends and your physician. Remember, your family and friends mean well, but won't always know how to help. Stay strong in your faith even when you're yelling at God. Remember, your loved one's death has catapulted you into the painful, yet creative process of rediscovering who you are. Support will come in different shapes and sizes. Watch for those angels weaving in and out of your life.

Hope, Inspiration and the Power of Angels

2011-09-29T12:54:00.000-07:00

This excerpt is from my memoir, Twenty-Eight Snow Angels: A Widow's Story of Love, Loss and Renewal. The story is one of hope, inspiration and the power of angels.

John and I met in 1971 at the Rusty Nail, a smoke-filled bar in Brook-
lyn Center on the outskirts of Minneapolis. The Nail was a popular
hang out for the bar hopping crowd. Bar hopping, back in the seven-
ties, was like date surfi ng on the net, but you did it in a car, often your
best friend’s car. On any given night after working out at the European
Health Spa my college friend and I piled into her Chevy Nova. Driving
from bar to bar, we looked for the best band, cheapest drinks and the
highest number of single guys ready to invite us onto the dance fl oor.
In the noisy bar we sipped vodka gimlets and black Russians, praying
the band would pound out a Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young or Creedance
Clearwater Revival song, and some hot guy would waltz over to our
table and ask us to dance. Fast-paced songs gave us a chance to check
out a guy with a minimal amount of small talk or body contact.

On that night of January 15, the band cranked out a high-energy
song. From the back corner of the bar John wandered over to our table,
leaned down and asked me to dance. His blue eyes fl ashed as the loud
music bounced and rocked us back and forth. When the song ended,
we hesitated on the dance fl oor while the band decided what to play
next. A soft chord rolled off the lead guitar player’s fi ngers as the band
switched to a waltz. We held out our arms and folded into each other.
A week later, we found ourselves on a local skating rink enjoying
our fi rst date layered in long underwear, jeans and parkas. We enjoyed
the romantic evening with its bright stars and our breath forming clouds
as we circled the rink in conversation. We talked about our childhood
growing up in North Minneapolis and our life as University of Minne-
sota students, living at home.

Skating was followed by coffee at Howard Johnson’s restaurant on
Central Avenue. We slid into a booth and ordered black coffee. John
had recently moved back to Minnesota from California and was un-
employed. Out of his pocket, he pulled a small plastic bag of choco-
late chip cookies. He grinned at me. “Looking for a job and living at
home isn’t all bad. It has its rewards. My mother baked the cookies.” I
reached into the plastic bag. Great cookies, I thought, as I bit into the
soft chocolate morsels, And great guy, too.

When we said “I do” in June 1972, the possibilities of our life to-
gether were unimaginable and endless. As the recessional music car-
ried us down the aisle in front of family and friends, our heads held
visions of never-ending love. We were committed to our vows and to
each other. “Until death do us part” is what we said and we meant it.
We imagined our marriage would be like Ozzie and Harriet Nelson’s
in the 1950s—two children, a two-story home, and nightly evening
meals around the dining room table. Our family values, middle-class
backgrounds, along with the black-and-white television programs, de-
fi ned our image of marriage.

I had never lived away from home until I married John. During my
four years at the University of Minnesota, my younger sister, Mary, and
I shared a tiny bedroom. My little sister often fell asleep to the sound
of crickets chirping outside our bedroom window and the plink-plink-
plink of my Smith Corona manual typewriter as I typed term papers
late into the night. Sharing a room with my sister was a temporary
arrangement. Sharing an apartment with my husband was a commit-
ment to a long and happy future together. John and I eased into our
marriage like a slow dance to James Taylor’s “I’ve Got A Friend.”

Twenty-Eight Snow Angels Warms Hearts

2011-09-22T19:13:00.000-07:00

Wonderful reader response to my recently released memoir, Twenty-Eight Snow Angels: A Widow's Story of Love, Loss and Renewal! Thanks to everyone who has purchased a book. Your support and positive reviews on Amazon and Barnes & Noble make my heart soar. After seven years of writing this personal story of the death of my loving husband, I am so pleased to know that my story is touching lives.

Twenty-Eight Snow Angels

2011-09-12T10:05:00.000-07:00

Many thanks to ALL the readers who have sent such positive feedback on my memoir, Twenty-Eight Snow Angels: A Widow's Story of Love, Loss and Renewal. Your heartfelt, positive comments make my heart soar! If sharing my story gives others hope after the death of a loved one, the seven years of writing and tears will all be worth it.

Twenty-Eight Snow Angels

2011-06-30T13:44:00.000-07:00

Reviewing the final galleys of my memoir, Twenty-Eight Snow Angels: A Widow's Story of Love, Loss and Renewal. The cover design is beautiful! After seven years of drafts, rewrites and title changes, I can't wait to get the book into readers' hands.

Twenty-Eight Snow Angels

2011-05-30T19:27:00.000-07:00

My memoir is at the publishers! My editor did a great job on the final edit. She suggested a new title, so the book will be published as Twenty-Eight Snow Angels: A Widow's Story of Love, Loss and Renewal. I'm very excited about the new title and moving closer to getting the book published. I'll keep everyone updated!

2011-04-18T13:58:00.000-07:00

Final draft of my manuscript, MENDING MY LIFE ONE STITCH AT A TIME, will be mailed to my editor Tuesday April 19th! The story is about rebuilding my life after the unexpected death of my loving husband John, in 2000.

Readers who read the final draft called it inspirational...a beautifully captivating story that gives those who have lost a loved one hope...a personal story of loss that captures the heart and lifts the spirit.

My goal is to have it on the market by July.

Author News

2011-02-16T05:50:00.000-08:00

NEWS AND UPCOMING EVENTS

The Saint Paul Public Schools in St. Paul, Minnesota recently purchase multiple copies of my book, Miriam Daughter of Finnish Immigrants, to use as a resource in their social studies curriculum! Miriam would be pleased to know her story will be read by students. Also, in the final stages of completing my memoir, Mending My Life One Stitch At A Time, about rebuilding my life after the death of my husband.

UPCOMING EVENTS:

March 4, 2011 Nordic Event 7:00 PM at the Sail Away Cafe in Afton, MN Join musician Diane Jarvi and me for an evening woven with music and excerpts from Miriam Daughter of Finnish Immigrants!

April 21, 2011 Afton Historical Museum Presentation 7:00 PM Afton, MN

A New Year

2011-01-01T11:07:00.000-08:00

Welcome to 2011! Today instead of watching football games and parades, I organized my writing projects. Tomorrow I'll tie myself to my chair and hit the laptop keys. My goal is to get my memoir, Mending My Life One Stitch at a Time, finished and on the market by spring of 2011. It's a story about rebuilding my life after the death of my husband in 2000. As a writer my goal sounds impossible, but with daily writing and some luck, I know I can do it. If you know of any editors who are reasonably priced, let me know. I need a final draft editor. Also looking for women's organizations for marketing. Thanks and wishing you a GREAT 2011!

Fosston, Minnesota

2010-11-12T11:25:00.000-08:00

In October I drove five and a half hours north to Fosston, Minnesota. The Northern Exposure Lifelong Learning group invited me to present our family story, Miriam Daughter of Finnish Immigrants. The long drive was well worth it. Fosston just west of Bemidji is a wonderful small town. I felt very welcome and enjoyed staying at Amanda's B & B. Worth checking out if you're ever in the area. The group enjoyed my presentation and asked great questions. I enjoyed autographing books and visiting with the participants.

Motivated!

2010-09-19T07:47:00.000-07:00

A memoir consultant, Adair Lara, continues to motivate me! As an author and instructor with expertise in the area of memoir writing, Adair's feedback inspires me to keep going. In her book, Naked, Drunk And Writing: Writing Essays and Memoirs for Love and Money, she shares her memoir expertise. I keep her autographed message "Dear Diane, Write that book! Warm Regards, Adair Lara" posted in front of me to keep me going!

August Almost Over!

2010-08-23T16:53:00.000-07:00

Where does the time go? Writing like crazy with hopes of getting my book about my journey as a widow in print before the holiday season. Connected with a consultant in San Francisco who has inspired me to keep going and get the book done. I've had eight different working titles, but think I've finally landed on one that speaks to my message. I'm going to fly it by my author/consultant friend in San Francisco and see what she thinks. In between writing I'm still busy marketing our book, Miriam Daughter of Finnish Immigrants. In May I presented it at the Finn Forum in Thunder Bay, Ontario where it received wonderful responses from readers. Headed for the Embarrass Regional Fair August 28-29. Also I will be an exhibitor at the Creative Connection women's conference at the Hyatt in downtown Minneapolis September 16-18. The conference focuses on women's creative energy and the business aspects of hand made works. Author Amy Butler who is a fabric designer will be a keynote speaker along with organic farmer and publisher, Mary Jane Butters. Mark your calendars and watch for more information.

The Writer's Life

2010-04-27T18:50:00.000-07:00

I never realized how involved replacing a septic system was. Twelve hours of machinery, noise, dust, and rocks filled our day. Now we are rebuilding our whole yard which looked like a golf course a week ago, but now looks like the "bunny hill" at our local ski area. If I spent as many hours writing as I have rebuilding gardens and moving rocks, I would have a five hundred page novel finished by now! As I pulled weeds and moved rocks in the garden I THOUGHT about writing, does that count?

Start, Stop and Start Again

2010-03-11T19:36:00.000-08:00

Having a heck of a time keeping at my current manuscript. I decided today to set a goal to get the first draft done by April 19th. The book started as a memoir, but I found I was still too emotionally connected to the story. An agent listened to me read a few pages at the La Jolla Writers Conference. She complimented me on my writing style, liked the real voice and suggested I try writing it as a novel. So that is where I am headed, and it seems to be working for the moment. Where are you on your writing?

Goals for 2010

2009-12-30T06:13:00.000-08:00

Ever have trouble getting back on the writing track? I do. I write in spurts. I need to be a more disciplined writer, stay focused and write everyday. How about you? How is your writing going? Share your thoughts and inspire others!

Author Event Virginia, Minnesota

2009-11-16T16:11:00.000-08:00

A wonderful experience, signing books at Woodward's in Virginia, MN. Shirley and Brandy were wonderful hosts. Many thanks to Shirley for a successful event and great job on the photo, Brandy!

Book Makes Great Gift

2009-11-13T05:47:00.000-08:00

"I loved your book, Miriam Daughter of Finnish Immigrants, so much, I bought more copies for gifts!" Miriam's story is a great gift for readers. It provides an honest picture of how life was for a family of nine during the Great Depression. Available through independent bookstores and online at Amazon.com.

Midwest Booksellers Association

2009-11-01T05:26:00.000-08:00

Miriam Daughter of Finnish Immigrants is listed on page 7 in the Midwest Booksellers Association fall catalog as a blue ribbon "Midwest Favorite." Independent bookstores distribute the MBA catalog through newspapers, in-store displays, "bag stuffers," and direct mailings to customers. They feature titles at book fairs, open houses, and holiday events. The MBA Catalog is also promoted on their websites, newsletters and in radio and print advertising. Check out the MBA website for independent book stores in your community and download the catalog at www.midwestbooksellers.org. Miriam's story makes a great gift for readers young and old!

Keep Going Writers

2009-10-26T05:57:00.000-07:00

An article I wrote about my Finnish grandparents and their family's assimilation into the rural American culture in the early 1900s was recently published in the "Journal of Finnish Studies." The journal is published by the University of Toronto. The editor had a list of suggestions for revisions that I needed to address before I submitted it for final acceptance. Seeing it in print made all the hard work worth it!

Rolling Along With Writing

2009-10-25T05:57:00.000-07:00

I am headed for the La Jolla Writers Conference November 6-8th. I have a chunk of my book drafted and ready for feedback. During a "pitch session" I will have three minutes to sell the idea to possible agents and publicists. I am also busy marketing Miriam Daughter of Finnish Immigrants. I participated in the Midwest Booksellers Trade show in September where I met many bookstore owners throughout the midwest. The book is listed in the Midwest Booksellers catalog which reaches independent bookstores throughout the midwest. I will be doing a signing at Howard Street Booksellers in Hibbing, Minnesota November 14th from 1:00-3:00. Besides writing, teaching an evening graduate class at the University of Wisconsin-River Falls is keeping me very busy. Hope your writing is rolling along,

How Did I Ever Have Time To Work!

2009-09-07T17:38:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how fast the time goes around here. Between hours spent promoting our book, Miriam Daughter of Finnish Immigrants, tapping out a few pages here and there on Mice in the Kitchen and planning to teach a class at the University of River Falls this semester I can't seem to get everything done. I don't know HOW I did it when I was teaching full time. Thank goodness for retirement. Hope all of your writing is moving along at a faster clip than mine!

Radio Interview

2009-07-21T16:22:00.000-07:00

In July KAXE radio in northern Minnesota interviewed me about our book, Miriam Daughter of Finnish Immigrants. The hosts, Scott and Maggie, asked great questions. I enjoyed our twenty minute radio conversation and would love to share our family's story with others. Getting the book translated into Finnish is my next goal. All of you writers out there, keep writing!

Greatest Generation Stories

2009-06-27T20:03:00.001-07:00

The Minnesota History Center is collecting stories about the Great Depression, World War II and the 1950s Baby Boomers for their Greatest Generation Exhibit. Check out the excerpts from our book, Miriam Daughter of Finnish Immigrants that are posted on their website.

June 2009 Publication News

2009-04-26T16:46:00.000-07:00

I presented our book Miriam Daughter of Finnish Immigrants (Outskirts Press 2008) at the Finnish-American Immigrants In Transition 2009 seminar in Turku, Finland June1-2. My sister Mary Jones, the artist who did the sketch work for the book, participated in the session. The international seminar draws researchers from Finland, Denmark, Canada and the United States. Miriam Daughter of Finnish Immigrants is a story of a family’s commitment to build a life in the barren northern Minnesota wilderness during the Great Depression. The book received a very positive response and my first visit to Finland was a wonderful experience. I promoted the book in Helsinki and Turku as we toured the cities. Check out the photos for some of my favorite sites. To order your copy of our book visit my website at http://outskirtspress.com/dianedettmann Kiitos!

Writer's Wisdom and Wit

2009-04-26T16:02:00.000-07:00

As a writer I need other writer's thoughts and ideas to keep me going. This is a lonely business and at times down right frustrating. Inspiration from other writers always helps me keep going. I started this blog as an avenue for writers to network, share writing suggestions and inspire each others to keep going. My writing days are filled with marketing, editing work and constantly staying on top of my "to do list" that gets longer everyday! In between I am working on Mice In The Kitchen, a memoir of my life as a widow. I am sure other writers would enjoy stories about your writing life, so blog away!