The Lone Oak

The Lone Oak

Sometimes the silence of grief is deafening, the loneliness painful. You spend time crying and wishing the loved one back, but they never return. After my loving husband died suddenly at the age of fifty-four, people often said, “Be happy you had thirty years together.” Which was probably true, but I wish I had an eternity more. Two years after the sudden death of my husband, I spent time writing daily in my notebooks. In the following piece I share my insights and reflections of loss as I sit on my deck alone and observe the world around me.

The white caps appear and disappear as the cobalt river flows south in the distance. Beyond the deck, the lone oak tree wiggles and blows in the November breeze. It’s brown, dry leaves still attached and a few bare twigs stick out like a snowman’s arms.

The tree was hearty enough to survive and grow in the rock on the bluff. Over the seasons, it fought for sunshine and rain among the invasive buckthorn. I almost gave up on it once and came close to cutting it down, but gave it more time. It amazed me how it struggled to live. So I left it there, alone among the buckthorn and brush. It continued to survive in spite of the challenges of severe weather and the invasive vegetation around it.

After Olaf, a local handy man, leveled the brush surrounding the lone oak it grew into a strong, sturdy tree. I often wonder if the young oak was happier and safer when the buckthorn surrounded it with its thorn filled branches.

In grief and loss, like the solitary oak, sometimes we find ourselves buried under the dense brush of life where light doesn’t shine. Like the widow left alone, the oak depends on its supple trunk and deep roots to help it survive. The battered oak reminds me that to survive in grief we need to be kind to ourselves, stay anchored in our roots, and stay alert to God’s gift of time. The light and love will return to our lives again.

Thinking of all of you who are facing the loss of a spouse and sending you hope and comfort. My book, Twenty-Eight Snow Angels, shares my widow journey and the process of rebuilding my life. Available in e-book and paperback at Barnes & Noblehttp://bn.com/w/twenty-eight-snow-angels/1114818659?ean=2940016268804 and Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/author/dianedettmann